Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in David's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, November 8th, 2009
2:37 am	I still fucking hate you. (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 30th, 2009
10:43 pm	i feel like fucking throwing up when i think of you. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 27th, 2009
10:57 pm	But. I just smoked a few bowls and I'm listening to Ayreon and I feel a little better. fuckyoustillthough (Comment on this)
10:18 pm	I just found a document on my computer that I wrote for you. Not as in, it's for you to read, as in I DID it for you. It's another one of your fucking homework assignments. An essay about why you don't eat meat. That I wrote for you. As you. I spent my highschool years doing YOUR homework and crying to myself as you ignored me and dicked around on your livejournal. You stole my life from me. I will never get that back. The social experiences and friends I could've made if I wasn't locked up in your fucking room. I fucking hate you. I hope you get nothing you want. You deserve less. (Comment on this)
Friday, May 15th, 2009
6:58 pm	the first thing i do when i wake up is look around my room and think "i hate you" i want my life back. i just want a life. (Comment on this)
Monday, May 4th, 2009
10:39 pm	I hate you. I hate you so much it makes my fucking stomach hurt I've had the last four years of my life stripped of me. nothing. There's NOTHING TO LEARN FROM THIS. I fucking hate you. I just feel like vomiting all of the time When I think of you, my stomach turns and my heart beat raises. And then i have to go the bathroom and breathe heavily for a minute or two. And if that doesn't work I just cry and wait for my heart to stop. And what about you? Are YOU better? Of course you fucking are. You're always alright. After I stuck with you and helped you get off meth. After I helped you stick to your fucking probation. After you told me you'd break up with me if I didn't go to venture with you. and then i did all of your homework for two god damned years. What about everything I did for you and suffered through for you. I fucking hate you. You abandoned me when my mother died. you treated me like shit. you didn't care and you wouldn't talk to me. you made my mother's death WORSE FOR ME. it makes me FUCKING NAUSEATED for years i've been blaming it on your bipolar. but i don't anymore. because, not everyone with a mental disorder is a fucking angel or would be if they were better. You just have a black pit where your soul should be. You are devoid of anything resembling an emotion for someone else. You are amoral and apathetic. I mean, for fucksakes, when we watched "The Island" you thought that they should just kill the INTELLIGENT CLONES. DO YOU GET IT? you're a fucking SOCIOPATH. That's the only way you'd be able to sleep at night. I'd love to hear an explanation of the fucking mental gymnastics you do to tell yourself you're a "good person." because you're not a good person. you're a bad person. a very bad person. Think about that, you fucking psycho. Think of what you've done to me. EVERYTHING. I could write a god damned dissertation on the HORRIBLE things you've put me through. Think of everything you've done to me. Pile that on top of everything you've done to your family. Pile that on what you've put your other little fuck buddies through. And then tell yourself you're a good person. I hate your fucking guts and I hope you move away. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008
1:58 am	We Ride 6. We Ride WHAT? are you DOING in MY FACE!?! WHERE, are you GOING, with ALL HASTE HOW did this BEGIN? Why did we start this? And WHY can't you remember??? GODDAMN YOU GODDAMN YOU Why don't you ever think about these things that you say?! Your words are there for us to deconstruct anyway YES you ARE a product of that environment... but CHANGE is ALWAYS THERE... IF YOU WANT IT!!! Cold and foreign, spirit broken... PLEASE can we go home???? NO!!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT???!!! I'M BEING COMPLETELY RATIONAL... I'M NOT YELLING!!!!!!! IN EVERY RELATIONSHIP THERE HAS TO BE COMPROMISE AND EVERY ONE OF THEM HAS BAGGAGE... I KNOW I HAVE MY ISSUES... AND WE! KNOW! YOU! HAVE! YOURS!!!! PUT IT IN GEAR MOTHERFUCKR!!!!! For tonight...WE RIDE!!!! DENY THE RIDE... YOU AND I, CONNECT AND EMERGE. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 14th, 2008
2:32 am	1. Sweet Leaf Alright now! Won't you listen? When I first met you didn't realize I can't forget you or your surprise You introduced me to my mind And left me wanting you and your kind I love you. Oh you know it My life was empty forever on a down Until you took me showed me around My life is free now, my life is clear I love you sweet leaf - though you can't hear Come on now - try it out Straight people don't know what you're about They put you down and shut you out You gave to me a new belief And soon the world will love you sweet leaf Current Music: Black Sabbath - Sweet Leaf (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 9th, 2008
1:51 am	fuckmylife (Comment on this)
Monday, September 22nd, 2008
4:55 pm	Christeen Running, beyond the speed of sound Calling, beyond the speed of sound Say you love me, say you love yourself Say you need me, say you care Say you want me, say you want yourself Say you want to be with me well Christeen, that's all I ask of you Falling, into the open doorway Loving, what anyone else would loathe here... Say you're with me, say you're with yourself Say you're lonely, say you care Say you warned me, say you warned yourself Say you want to be with me as well Christeen, that's all I ask of you Are you feeling okay? Are you feeling so much pain That never goes away Oh, we know, and we're feeling so much better than before What's more, is that feeling isn't failing anymore... Current Music: Devin Townsend - Christeen (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 9th, 2008
12:01 am	Shitstorm 3. Shitstorm YOU BASTARD!!! Know, know, KNOW I HATE YOU!!! EVERYTHING...everything, EVERYTHING... is WRONG!!! And I don't want to fight... Because I don't know what's WRONG or RIGHT But I'll do ANYTHING just to get some FUCKING sleep tonight... And I can't even EAT And I can't even FUCKING PISS!!! All I've been doing is thinking about GOD and DEATH InFiNiTy!!!!! Current Music: Strapping Young Lad - Shitstorm (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 13th, 2008
5:07 am	Saturday, August 5th, 2006 8:29 pm Hmm.. And then one day you wake up and realize that everything is perfect. Everything has been perfect. And it's been perfect for a long time. Anything that can happen isn't really that bad and any problem we have has a solution. It isn't nineteen fifties sitcom perfect, but life isn't like "Leave it to Beaver" and I'll take this type of perfect first, regardless. I love you, Brooke. Current Mood: grateful Current Music: Brooke just made a cute little moany sound in her sleep! I never saw it coming. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 7th, 2008
11:08 pm	Fuck living. I'm lowering my bar. I'm giving myself four years. I'll be twenty three. And then I'm done. Unless someone can give me a reason to keep trying. Because I just keep fucking up. And I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to be scared anymore. I don't want to BE anymore. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 11th, 2008
10:14 pm	I fucking hate my life. I hate that it feels like I'm never going to enjoy living again. I'm so afraid of being unhappy a second longer than I am. I'm just so fucking scared. (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 9th, 2008
1:10 am	Fuck my life. (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 13th, 2008
11:50 pm	FUCK. FUCK. That about sums it up. BUT, TO ELUCIDATE. I drank half of a kiddie bottle of Dimetap. Sometimes, when I move my hands to fast it looks like I have two hands on one arm. I don't like the idea of dying, but I won't be around to care, will I? That is, if I died. Which I'm not planning on. It does sound nice right now, though. Just for a while. Being dead for a couple hours would be the best thing right now. Now that I think of it, I'm not elucidating at all, really. I think that is a very pretty word. Eh loose ih date. Elucidate. To bring light to. In my intoxicated vanity I'm listening to my own compositions. "Skog" is a Nick Drake ripoff. I'd never heard "They're Leaving Me Behind" before I wrote it, (neither had most of the music world, it's a tape recording that wasn't released 'til June last year) But it just sucks that the opening motif is so damn similar. Dittye is a Greensleeves derivitive. I'm a hack. But I used to be a hack with a girlfriend. And that made a load of difference. Just having someone I could talk to would make the difference right now. I just spent the last five minutes crying. Didn't want to get the laptop wet. I don't know what to do. I hope you're having fun. I am bitter. But, I love you. And the cynicism makes it hurt less. Not much though. Wheeee, my extremities are all TINGLEH. But, also, I would just like to fall off a cliff. Buddha? Yahweh? Vishnu? Thor? Zeus? Mr. L. Ron Hubbard? Richard Dawkins? If any of you happen to be defying the laws of physics could you also please make me able to cope with things that I am unable to cope with? No? Fuck. (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 5th, 2006
8:29 pm	Hmm.. And then one day you wake up and realize that everything is perfect. Everything has been perfect. And it's been perfect for a long time. Anything that can happen isn't really that bad and any problem we have has a solution. It isn't nineteen fifties sitcom perfect, but life isn't like "Leave it to Beaver" and I'll take this type of perfect first, regardless. I love you, Brooke. Current Mood: grateful Current Music: Brooke just made a cute little moany sound in her sleep! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
2:21 am	It's almost two thirty in the morning. I still have homework to do. I miss my Brookelyn. I'm cold. I need to do a review on A Feast for Crows, finish some history map thinger. Do those stupid "Words to Own" things in English. I just want to sleep. AUGH. Fuck. I love my lady, Brooke. Current Music: Pantera - Walk (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 1st, 2005
12:58 am	Freyja After a couple hectic days, things seem to be going really well. Brookelyn and I are havin "love you more" matches again. I looove you, MORE, miloverly Brookelyn! The cat that my mom brought home that's been hiding in her room is getting more friendly. It's sitting in my lap now, purring. My mom and I named her Freyja. Our cats, Mofield and Freyja. I love it and I love Brooke! Current Music: Sigur Ros - Glosoli (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 26th, 2005
12:01 am	I don't know if most people would be able to call their relationships beautiful. I don't really care about "most people," but I know that I can with out some sort of guilt of airs. It's not like I think or say that to make myself feel better about it. It's just true. There's a beauty in sadness, just as there is in joy or serenity. I can feel it even in my worst moments of depression with her. A kind of fleeting sense of art and beauty in the back of my mind reminding me that even though it may hurt immensly..it's worth it because I'm living it. It's worth it because I'm feeling it with and through her. "'Cause life is just a beautiful death" Jari Maenpaa Current Music: Beautiful Death - Wintersun (Comment on this)